brisbane 444 AM

ejected by sleep into a crawling bed
i find myself here in some place
a soft bed full of pillows
below chimneys emit soft steam
i roll over in cloudy blankets
sinking out of sleeps seamless sea
drowned in the air of the room
a curtain half open a blue sign throbs
i stand up and walk onto the balcony
robed completely in darkness
i see the river now deepest blue
up on the thirty first floor
the thirty first floor
sirens way below
down there where reality seems to be
me my ears will ring forever
my right eye is a blur
i apprehend the world differently
you love my thin skin
it permits everything to come in
everything coming into me
i feel everything to the nth degree
cant you see thats what ails me
cant get my mansuit off and its....
i have to ride it out but
what choice do i have?
why do you still do music?
what else could i do.....?
sometimes i write about madness
no its not the madness you have seen before
my madness is not common or guarded madness
neither is it a cheap tv copy
or a chemically induced stupor
my madness is ........
living in the afterwoods
twenty miles north of historic eden
are the afterwoods
dreamy fields and forests of tranquilities
come one come all
oh the afterwoods
oh the eastwoods
oh the soulwoods
oh the the westwoods
available now hyper real estate
stephen kilby presents 13 achers now available
the afterwoods apartments now ready for immediate
furnished unfurnished latest unhinged solar panel
enamel
with all the trimmings approx 1 millions
that lovely spot
biographically designed by experts in university tests
featuring obelisk windows and random garage access sites
including marboleum bathroom mouthpiece set
and swim/sim pool genes already implanted
lo*vac suction system preactivated on finger touch control
happy days guaranteed by rolandstorm@ afterwoods. com
eternal craft copyright MMMXXV

the dawn begins to dawn
what else can it do?
cars drive up the streets
how miserable it is to drive a car up a dawn street
huddled waiting for the heater to come on
and all the shadows are sinister fleeting fragments
nothing surprises me
we are at the centre
and the sun rises around us
we are still
i can feel it
the world does not hurtle through space willy nilly
it makes me vertiginous to think of it
i dont want to feel big or small
only norm-all
the wee small hours indeed
when sad things happen
when people part from each other
still it remains dark
i wait for the sun to come
imagine if it was my luck
that today was the day
that the sun never comes
and at midday
brisbane is still up to its neck in the murky darkness
wont that give em a shock?
the balcony is cold to my bare feet
the noises of a hundred air conditioners plant up
the buzzing droning ringing sound of today
everything purring humming whining tapping banging
a plane flies into brisbane
defying all logic
some great tinny hulk just hanging in the thin air
all lit up
and the passengers just sipping their lasts drops of tea
the arrowroot biscuits eaten up
i alone in my tower truly awake
bam bam bam
okayda
uh huh
today
somewhere still over the rainborough
dress rehearsal for big show
big stars
big glittering occasion
alone again
naturally

living it larger than life

down the rabbit hole
swallow me whole
he was sitting on a flight
that went up n down n side to side
will all flight attendants please take their seats
steve kilbey runs out of things to say
suddenly you extend out and life blurs
flying west n west n west n west
i cramped and cold hit home
wow
i must need my head read
glad i got my shadow or i go crazy
my wife and children

i am home i say to the littlest one
but suddenly
i am gone
my wifes welcome extends until twin dawns
white nights of light
yet still i am gone
i pack my bag i ride to a big white colosseum
the money changers
the fur dealers
the swarm buzzing about again
i sit in the flying tube
squashed between sneezing geezer
and chubby mr business doing that sudoko numbers thing
no bumps
climb out
its warm n sunny
after some argy bargy
check in to modern apt style suite
sweet?
you betcha
i tried to filmit but it was toolong

i get downstairs
share a ride with john butler
i get introduced to new guitarist jim
after a while
thru my blurry blurred life vision specs
its jim from midnight oil
yeah that sounds good i mutter or utter
the band is good
its an easy one to play
go where ever you will
i give the song my blessings
kev is there and hes so....kev
i stagger back to room
who am i ?
wow!
who did you say
i collapse in bed with jet lag
wake up feeling like i been king hit
cant believe michael jackson n gary glitter wore wigs
cant believe the senseless horror of ww1
cant believe the gospels and the gossip
cant believe in the city and its dreams
brisbane glitters outside like a fake sci fi city
from the 1970s
a big brown river pushes thru it
and the city races down to its edge
and chucks bridges over
and then the little beetley cars zoom hither n thither
and all the lights light up
and out on the streets
the old white australia days are gone
brisbane is brimming with every type of person
and i stumble thru the crowded streets jetlagged like lead
my eyes are crimson in my head
my circadian clock is frozen on 3 a.m.
manhattan and stockholm bedtimes both call me
my head cracks open
and out rolls insomnia
in a quiet room i see my new paintings
i hear voices of other musicians
i see them in the hall
the famous bunches of people
i am too tired
i keep my confused head low
i drink peach soy punch with aloe vera pearls
i eat a veggy pattie from subway
i am suddenly so tired
thats all
goodnight

the next day.....

sitting at arlanda airport
trying to fly to philly
then to nyc
my flight delayed by " at least 3 hours"
means i fly into nyc at midnight if i,m lucky
i had to fly back to nyc cos that was my original point
of flying back to aust
just had a very teary goodbye with minna
who has been so kind to me during my stay
attentive concerned and wonderful company
i love her more than i can say
yes i am very very proud of her n her sister
i feel very weak sick n demoralized at the mo
and lucky you
you get to hear all about it
i mean
thats what a diary is for, isnt it?
im writing on a machine that charges 6 bucks an hour
of course they woodnae wanna have free internet at an airport
thatd be too convenient wouldnt it...
i hate airports
i hate aeroplanes
i hate travelling
i hate being on my own
so i feel pretty low right now
the pathetic silly sod is still writing nasty comments
which only goes to prove how much he loves me
sad, isnt it?
ah unrequited love...
never mind
i get back for 2 nights
then its off again to brizzy for kev carmody gig
will be great to see all my kc co horts again
but hard leaving the fambley
after such a short reunion
am looking forward to seeing miss natalie so much
i guess i got lucky
my wife is my lover and my best friend
and she makes "it" all go away for me
wish we never had to be apart again
scarlet kilbey probably thinks her dad is never coming back
and will be quite surprised to see me in the flesh
on monday morning
wow time passes slow here at the airport
trolleys go by
people embrace hello n goodbye
its a warm cloudy day in stockholm
my second home in a way in this world
and it always makes me so sad to leave
rushed here this morning
just to be told to wait wait wait wait
people say the" jet set " about international travel
but i'm well fucking over it
coulda had lunch with martin kraaal before i left
its cold here at airport too
over air conditioned....why?
hopefully my plane leaves at 4
its ten to 2 now
time seems to have frozen
tho i know it will pass
i remember grants song at a time like this
"c'mon time
do yer magic trick
take it all away from me
make it quick"
actually so low
i feel almost lost for words
tho i have another hour of typing
left on this machine if i want it
i wonder how you all liked seeing the twillies
apart from all the nice comments already in
i guess the doodles
will probably make their blogge debut live soon
and yes
as i figger out my imovie doo dah
i hope presentations to become much much better
yes
i will be doing songs n painting video blogges
so stay tuned
the sky is the limit i guess
and you will see more n more facets
of my lovely life
as we progress along
still
something to be said for the written word
and the imagination involved
a video leaves not much to be imagined
but i feel like you might as well see me in every way
winning
losing
rocking
fambley manne
angry
happy
stupid
ranting
vegan
arty
etc etc
i contain contradictions
i am not what anybody thought
i am committed to evolving on my blogge
figgering out new ways
to entertain ya
and keep you informed
i hope we are all together for many years to come
see i'm still stuck at #19 on the charts
which aint bad
considering its the real international chart
but i wonder how i can get any higher
voice in another airport : we,re always wondrin' that...
anyhow
fuck it
thats enough i guess
i really miss minna
we had a lovely time together in the country
and a great train ride home
talking bout stuff
listening to music etc
ok bye
i'll let you guys know whats happening anyway
sk
arlanda airport 5 past 2
24th july
in limbo

but

the twillies

three times now
i have attempted to post a video
of the twillies in action
but no dice
i probably aint compressed the doo dah enough
or centralized the ding dong
reading instructions bores me
i have a kinda attention deficit disorder
and its always been easier to figger things out for myself
i'm a hard bloke to teach anything too
and i learn slowly
well i discovered i have one day less in sweden than i thought
i leave tomorrow instead of saturday...
i feel a bit cheated
losing that day
but the thought of "catching up" with my wife
is some compensation anyway
its been quite a while
spent the day in the country yesterday
swimming in the lake
walking at night with the girls
picking hallon (wild raspberries)
n smultron( wild strawberries)
sweden is lovely
its hard to leave in summer
but i must
new york will seem hellish
compared to the tranqulity of a near empty stockholm
and the absolute zen like calm of the country
still......

movie

anniversary # 8

if i had it within my power
i'd arrange for every girl to have your charms
then every minute
every hour
every boy would find
what i found in your arms
because the night belongs to lovers
because the night belongs to love
she makes love just like a woman
and she aches just like a woman
but she breaks just like a little girl
love you oh girl i do love you
and your days of love are always in a dream you know
my little lonely
she my one n only
oh the love just stone me
and i cant let it go
a love like blood
with her killer graces
and her secret places
oh oh shes the one
i want her everywhere
and if shes beside me
i know i need never care
i know youre always lonely
lovely as you are....
i never had a reason to be over optimistic
but somehow when you smile i can face bad weather
i love you love
you love me too love
i love you love me love
she got the wherewithal
she got the knowledge....its wonderful
lying in the dark youre like an angel on my chest
youre dirty sweet and youre my girl
i paid eighty dollars for my wedding ring
just like honey
just like honey
shes like a rainbow
wild horses wouldnt drag me away
sail on silver girl
sail on by
your time has come to shine
all your dreams are on their way
shes my woman of gold n shes not very old uh huh huh
i'm a twopenny prince
gonna give her hot love uh huh huh
love is the drug gotta hook in me
love me tender love me true
all my dreams fulfilled
oh i got you where i want you
the ghost in you she dont fade
im a lucky feller
i just wanna tell her
that i love her endlessly
la la la la la means i love you
baby love my baby love my baby love
ah girl....
from one lover to another uh huh
blue jean lady
she married a music man
american woman
oh baby i love your way everyday
wanna be with you night n day
everyday
press your space face close to mine love
a lady from another grinning soul
going to the chapel n we're gonna get married
oh sister love its just a kiss away
take my hand
take my whole life too
i just cant help
falling in love with you
i'm your man
i wanna be your man
no one knows
what goes on behind closed doors
my little saviour
on her good behavior
all herself she gave ya
and you cant it it go
you might have told me
that our love would last
and stretch into the past
like a fraction or flake
i do it all for her sake
i do it all for her sake
then i cant let it go
i been thinking about you
i been thinking about you
oh sister when i come to knock at your door
you shouldnt treat me like a stranger
shes a woman who understands
shes a woman who loves her man
dont you love her madly
wanna meet her daddy
shes got two tiny stars in her eyes
at the window is the angel of the west
looking homewards
looking how i like you best
like a persistent ache
like a birthday cake
like the kinda thirst
you feel so cursed
you never ever gonna slake
now get up
now rise up
now heat up
rise up like a bird
in summertime
umbrella trees down by the sea
you turn and you see me
stay and help me to end the day
and if you dont mind
we'll crack a bottle of wine
sweet pleasure like never and ever
dangerous vacuous bliss
you seem to come n go
i never really know
i'd have you anytime
when a man loves a woman....
he said
miss mousie wont you marry me
we'll live together in the old oak tree
dont let me hear you say
life is taking you nowhere angel
nothings gonna touch us in these golden years
gimme your hands cos youre wonderful
oh wont you
be my
be my little baby
everythings gonna be alright
everythings gonna be alright
baby...you'll see
the look of love is in your eyes
if you judge a book by its cover
then you tell a look by the lover
i hope you'll soon recover
me..i go from one extreme to the other
theres a place for us
somewhere a place for us
you said
i love you
like the stars above
i'll love you till i die
love is like a beautiful girl who smiles for you
so love may find us
when the honeyed nights of love return
and your king is drunk upon his throne
the wedding bed
the fire fed
the wedding feast
the love increased
hot tramp i love you so
sometimes i just wanna throw my coat around ya
i'm coming sister and i'm dreaming
i'm driving down your moonlight mile
is it love that makes us rock?
sun is out
sky is blue
its beautiful
and so are you
and i cant let it go
no no no
i cant let it go
happy anniversary baby
you been on my mind
gimme gimme good lovin' every night
theres everything i need to know
just resting in the afterglow of your love......
and i cant let it go

rocknrollnrant

rocknroll
rip em n blues
jazzm
klingande klangande melodi
rock and a hard plaice
fire from earths core
nothing no-one can touch me now
i laughing
i fall on the floor and i laughing
i laugh at my dee tractors
i laugh at the squares
i laugh at the jealous whingeing whining carping pricks
who cannot be me...
i'm sorry this position is filled
only room for one renaissance man on this plane, tosh
i sacrifice this guitar to poseidon
i dedicate this life to magic to music to rock
i got the tunes
i got the words
i got the stupid and good moves
i'm a joke
i'm a joker
and i'm not joking
you know i'm so special
is that why the proletariat cannot dig my groovy trick?
i do things right
i do things wrong
i do things my way
and some days i dont care
about anyones opinion
worship me
revile me
ignore me
i cant feel a thing...
this is my fucking page
i do what i like
and im a big headed pig headed fool
no kind or harsh words have EVER swayed me from my appointed rounds
i deliver
all those fucking songs
98% of em excellent beyond all known mortal constraints
you know its true
or why turn up here to read this...?
(oooh i'm 19 on the charts...IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!)
you either love me or you hate me
and if you love me youre smart
and if you hate me its cos youre a squirming jealous thwarted lump
thats right
read it and weep
you cant erase my words
my music my images my words my mojo
will live on n on
after our individual deaths
my lovely daughters
my lovely calves
my lovely seizure
my lovely olde age
my lovely lovely lovely face
like a king from the olden daze
you know it
a rock-king
with a fender bass as his staff
with six beautiiful women as his familiars
with his freckles like the spots of some mangey cat
my fingers forgotten more than most peoples brains
my fingers pumping out bass bliss for 40 years
my velvety throat crooning those bestest words in the universe
the worlds forgotten geezer
a diamond mind
christ if i not a genius then who is?
yeah?
im waiting for yer reply
come on
send me yer bile
i turn it back into music
and i become even more entrenched
oh come let you a-door me
or bugger off
if youre rich send me money
if youre poor send me good vibes
if you cant have a laugh at me with me
the jokes on you
i'm the first to say
kilbey is the worst
i'm the first to say
kilbey is the best
embrace my paradox
you cant ever insult or compliment me
more than i already done
i churn out masterpieces
like other people write shopping lists
bang
there goes another one...
look out
you might miss it
cmon on and love me
dont resist it
the saint who is no saint
white hippy moses
the mangey panther
lo i write my own mythology
and it all comes true
look at me
i'm fifty nearly five ha ha ha
AND I GOT AWAY WITH IT!
show biz
smack
dope
coke
broke
joke
the ATO...come n get me baby dead or alive
i escaped from new york
i never eat pork
i sing deeper than tommy yawk
i paint better than blind boy grunt
i speak better than marcel marceau
i liver than you'll ever be
you'll never know
here i am in my own little world
come in please and make yerself at home
dont stab me in the back cos its rude
and its cowardly
come
come
be one of us
accept me into your life
listen to songs i wrote 30 years ago
theyre still good
look
you got 2 choices
enjoy it
or
leave
look
a very wise man once said
an enemy always equals an adorer
and you know
i tend to agree
but i tell you
i love my people
i love my family
i love my fiendss
i will not tolerate disrespect
my people know where they stand with me
me...mr arrogant everyman
naturally aristocratic tho my origins are humble cockney
very 'umble, squire..ha ha ha
i got the kinder looks you cant buy
look i stand on stage
AND VERILY I DOTH ROCK!
lo and behold childe
i make that fucking guitar squeal like a bitch
i got no rules
i got no regulations
i travel all over this world
i travel thru time in my mind
i believe in rocknroll
and if you believe in me and my rocknroll
i swear i will not let thee down
my honesty is my mystery
come in
and i will wash your dusty feet
come in
i accept the disenfranchised
i accept the freaks
i accept the vandals and the goths
and i accept
the strangely beautiful and the familiar ugly
i want your hearts and minds
trust me
i'm a rocknroll doctor
i need to make a small incision in your anonymous skull
and just...
oh dear
well i told ya so...
jealousy is a cursive script
and your pathetic envy needs to be drained
before you expire in a puddle of blob
i'm a almost vegan
i'm a almost with you
hey there using my song in another big tv show
dont it make ya sick....?
are you for me...or agin me....?
if you for me i will protect you in song
i will give you the ten thousand me's i got up my steve
ha ha
this mere blog
this imbecilic rant
is still bigger n better
than what your average crowda people will write in a life time....
im a hundred monkeys with a hundred typewriters
n lo
i'm banging out shakespeare
lo
i'm banging out steve kilbey
and the critics are wearing out their thesauruses
looking for superlatives for what i do
why resist me?
why stay around and not give in...
put yerself in my hands
put yerselves in my shoes
put yerselves in my picture
i'm saint steven the martyr
martyred by philistines
crucified in fucking space
i licked smack
i licked dehydration
i licked soy ice creams
i licked postage stamps
n i got you licked any old day
ha ha
you know its true
succumb
i got the good genes
i got the music in me
i still a contender but no one steps into the ring
the ring of fire
cos i burn and i return
i croon n the women swoon to my tune
i aint descended from no baboon
i play bass with my angular face
i paint like the ex-communicated saint that i aint
i been rocking 40 years no fears many tears
no one suede me
no one changes me
no one out trumps me but god and time
i know what i do is good
lord i aint really a fool
but if i am
why read a fools words...
only a fool would do that
my people know i give em what i can
i was shy for a while...oh miles ago
but now
fuck it
fuck em
fuck you
you not gonna get this anywhere else
i love my people and they do know it
it shows in the love i pour into my music
i dont condescend
i dont serve up any old rubbish
my songs are viruses infecting your brain
and they live on n on
growing stronger n stranger n bigger n better
you betcha!
and i tell ya who listens to my stuff
doctors
professors
lawyers
math-a-mat-icians
ministers
theologians
masters of martial arts
teachers
dentists
archi-friggin tecks
soldier boys
grey nurses
the void hears me howl
my people n i locked in our loop
all of us in this together
some heal
some teach
some litigate
some account
some ponder
some cogitate
while
i
i sing
i sing these songs cos no one else could
i am the thinking mans song
those captains of industry
those university trained boffins and big wigs
AT THE ENDA A HARD DAY THEY NEED THEIR KILBEY FIX
marine biologists swim in my sea of songs
linguists smile n wonder at my wordplay
musicologists appreciate my uses of harmony n dissonance
novices cannot fathom my productivity
my enemies...none will show their faces..
come forwards if you dare
they grumble n send me little hits below the belt
but i learnt from my hero harry houdini
my fucking stomach is flexed n ready for yer weak little punches
metaphoric or otherwise
or come n find me
i live on an island
where i have tamed the elementals
music
art
words
i am broke but never really broken
oh how my people will rejoice when i am crowned
oh how my snivelling anonymous d-tractors will weep
gnash their dentures
and wail in sorrow
when i ascend into my waiting nirvana
ha ha ha
i never run out of words
i hard wired into pure creativity
i got the discipline
i got the stamina
i got the mojo rising
genius is pain
i'm in agony
and you
you either love me
or you remain here
a hypocritic oaf
an anonymouse rat
a flea
a fly
a nothing
i faced death in aeroplanes and needles and diseases and cars
i been electrocuted
i been run over
i been addicted
i been punched in the head
i seen my beautiful daughters pulled
outta their conscious mothers stomachs crying
and none of us flinched
i aint dismayed by any jive you can come up with
i giggle at the prating of the philistines
water off this (man) drakes back
i'm a man, cant you see what i am
tough and tender
daring to make mistakes
not hiding in some dirty dark hole
firing shots at his betters
cowardly custard...i know who you are...
wormtongued insect
presumptuous nothing
worthless insignificant blot


the pic was taken by my friend jemal wade
the rant was inspired by some rude anonymous comments
i defy all your preconceptions
i will never be who you want me to be
and yet still i ask
and still you do not answer
why do you read me
if you do not love me?
ha ha

i thought you were my twin....but you were my double...

king lear with his daughters
snow white and rose red
sister lover
peas in a ipod
yeah sweden
yeah
im just not a mono zygotic kinda guy
yeah the pine trees
yeah the long evenings
yeah the vikings
yeah the neutrality
yeah the swedish language
yeah the nobel prize
yeah volvo n abba
yeah but no fjords (thats norway)
yeah the venice of the north
yeah snow and ice
yeah the blondes
yeah the blue eyes and skies
yeah sweden not switzerland
dont mix em up
sweden pop 9 million
currency : the swedish crown
700 hundred crowns (kronor) for a hundred yanqui dollars
capital stockholm (island of logs)
pop 1.5 million
hennes n mauritz
eriksson phones
saab stories
the archipelago baby
the summer houses
the moose
the weasels
the mosquitoes
the adders
the song birds
the dark long winters
the austerity at the heart of the olde days
ingmar bergman....the weird summer light
the seventh seal
carolinska institute
max von shadow
benny and bjorn
schnapps
faaaan
yeah august strindberg
life is a dream play
yeah odin n asgard
yeah thor n loki
yeah the polar circle
yeah lappland
yeah reindeer
yeah fishing thru a hole in the ice
yeah hammarby
yeah sodermalm
yeah malmo
yeah martin kraal (my name is neo not andersson)
yeah all them dead junkies
yeah all them olde hippies n commies
yeah the baltic sea
yeah arlanda airport
yeah tack sa mycket
yeah hej hej hej
c'mon
its sweden baby
can you dig it?
can you handle it ?
can you handle 4 hours of pale daylight
can you handle the cold brown lakes
can you handle the still morning mists
can you handle the right wing aryans
can you handle the 20 dollar baguettes
can you handle yourself with grace n dignity
yeah the prime minister olaf palme got assassinated
linger on yer pale blue eyes
oh my lovely daughters
what a lucky man
oh those cheekbones
oh those piercing eyes
oh that youth n glamour
bi lingual
buy now pay later
buy one pay for two
ah twins
one egg one sperm
it splits, right
a fluke
an accident
no one knows why
identical dna
identical in all but finger prints
not identical in mind or nature
where does this variation come from
yeah they do a lotta experiments with twins
yeah thats a good control
fascinating isnt it ?
wouldnt you love to have been a twin
one in a hundred births identical twins
like winning some kinda lottery
like winning some kinda prize
never alone...even in the womb
jostling for a position
who was born first
who is the good one
who is the naughty one
who are you
which one are you
are you elli
no im minna
are you minna
no im elli
cant you tell us apart
did your mother dress you in the same clothes
can you feel the others pain
can you read their mind
can you dig this crazy twin trip
all you singletons
all you one offs
all you only childs
elektra and miranda
agamemnon n prospero
the overbearing father
the king and the magician
men leer at lears daughters
many men
double yer money back guarantee
double yer chances
double yer double six
double or nothing
yeah scanda fucking navia
will you ever come here
will you ever see all this
will you ever grok it all, childe
me....i'm just the carrier of the chromosomes
me...i'm just some olde rocker with 2 sets of twins
i dont do things by halves
except in scarlet kilbey
who is twice as large as life on her own
the world couldnt contain 2 scarlets anyway
thank the lord she arrived as a single kiddo
surrounded by the stars
i am lucky
i am blessed
more than i deserve
more than i asked for
more than i can say
thats it aint it?
what more can i say
fascinating, is it?
its my life
my day equals your night
my year equals your 52 weeks
my children
mina barn
mes enfants terribles
my smorgasbord
my ombudsman
my sweden
my twins
my other twins
my lovely yanqui wife
my velvety voice
my springy knees
my thirty year old rock band
my hit single
my my my
who am i?
steve to you
steven to my family
daddy to my kids
that guy who owes us fifty grande to the tax-mann
that guy walking round bondi with all those girls
that guy with the shorts ...he looks like a beachlayer/brick-comber
gee hes prolific
gee hes lived an "interesting" life
yoga heroin show biz twins sydney stockholm delaware
music n painting n hanging about
takes from the rich n gives the poor himself
gives it all back in lyrics n musical notes
books of poetry
exhibitions and gigs and a night in a nyc jail
a dopey olde pothead
loved by his fiendss
reviled by his detractors
a rude kind brilliant dull man
now hes fat
now hes thin
now hes young
now hes old
now hes back
now hes gone
who am i?
i am who you say i am

summer of love

sk n nk

we stayed in this lovely little flat
on the edge of the city
on the edge of the forest and the lakes
the doodles were only 2
the place was called hammarby
the sky was always as blue as blue could be
the clouds were only white n fluffy
the gentle skandic sun shone down like a warm warm friend
the house had only one bedroom
where the doodles slept
my wife and i slept on a huge bed
which took up the whole dining room
we looked out our window onto a hill of rock and ferns
and trees and birds and in the early morning hours fog
there were no phones no computers no worries
no one was looking for us
no one minded what we did
and we roamed to the lakes
and we roamed thru the forests
sometimes with elli n minna
sometimes with martin kraal
upon whom all four of my daughters seemed to have a crush
we picnicked down by the shores
n we swam in the deep cold water
the kids ate ice creams and played in the sand
and the sun shone on until 10 oclock at night
and i cooked dinner and served it on our little balcony
there was a huge huge field
that contained a swimming pool and little patches of forest
there were swings that swung by themselves
and days that melted so slowly into night
and the doodles played on in the sandpit outside the shop
and the iranian man inside was so nice
even tho his arranged marriage had gone awry
and huge hot air balloons floated overhead
and a circus set up in the field
and an ice cream van delivered ice creams
and we walked to sickla strand
through the fields of raspberries
and more forests
and more little bridges
and more ducks n waterfowl
and more lilies and reeds and bullrushes
and the wind blew so lazily
that lovely swedish summer breeze
that intoxicates men with a single breath
and we set up our game on the little sandy beach
and afterwards we drank cold danish beer n ate swedish pizza
and french fries
we walk home hand in hand
watching our lovely children growing up
all tanned by the kinder northern sun
there was no tv to speak of
there was hardly any music
and our entertainment was love
and time stopped
in our dining room
created our fleeting masterpieces of love
we created our roles
and we lived our parts
and the world did not intrude
and we loved loved loved
in the quiet nights
in those foreign strange northern summer nights
still balmy still warm still imagining
like days from a film
like days from a romantic book
like days from a dream
we lived and loved and learned to love more
i did yoga in the sunlight
as the three girls slept
and scarlet kilbey was not even a twinkle in the universes eye
and sometimes a neighbour would drive us to another lake
and we'd picnic in the long grass
with thousands of other families
and the times were easy
yes
we let the good times roll
we relaxed right back into the moment
we were there alright, werent we
today me n martin retrace our steps
i go back to that old street
i see that old house
i see the swing that swung by itself
i see the river and the hill
and the trees
and the blue blue sky
we jump in the water
a lovely temperature
we swim around
we walk around
catch the train back into the city
ah....
if only all my other girls were here......

swedish nouns n verbs

me n minna again

sleep like the dead
wake up n feel fucking awful
depressed a little anxious n achey
i do my long overdue washing in the basement with minna
minna who is more like her mother goes out of her way
to make me feel comfortable n feel welcome
elli who is more like me is casual n aloof
oh i want to hold her and be her dad so badly
but her demeanour does not encourage it
she is something like a swedish 18 year old me in spades in some ways
both girls are unbelievably gorgeous
graceful slender and with lovely accents
minna talks too fast...she always has
people say she is new york n elli is l.a.
one can see the validity in that
i havent seen either of them for a year
how strange....
i saw my dad everyday
neither of them are particularly interested in my music
or in my touring
or in my "fame"
minna vaguely complains (in a lighthearted way)
about church fans contacting her on her facebook n myspace
if youre thinking about it
you'll get short shrift from em
especially elli i would imagine
who already seems to have that certain weariness
that some beautiful girls/women carry
theyve already heard it all before
and they dont wanna chat about their old man
i tell you truly
they are no more interested in the church
than i was interested in "les kilbeys service"
and they quickly tune out if i talk about it
minna shows me a new program called spotify
which enables you to listen to almost any song you can think of
but not download
we listen to some old supremes n bee gees etc
minna n i and an australian friend of theirs staying here
go out to see a photo exhibition on one of the islands
a huge yacht sails under a bridge as we walk over
people lie on the deck suntanning n drinking
i yell out
"hey, hows the recession going?"...but no one except me laughs
we stop in kungstradgarden for sandwiches n juice
and the kids quiz me about my misadventures with drugs
i tell em
DONT TAKE ANYTHING!
sadly both elli n minna smoke cigarettes
i seem powerless to dissuade them
so i just have to live with it i guess
but....how fucking stupid.....smoking...sigh
all my kids do well at school n i'm very proud of them
i'm sure they will have bright futures
if the tertiary life is what they want
i havent been the best dad...ha ha..what an understatement
to you lot
who read my blog
im some mercurial songwriting bohemian geezer
to my kids
i'm an olde broke hippy
they see once in a blue moon
well you reap what you sow
and i guess this is what ive sown
yes
i reckon they will " come around " eventually
but karin raised these kids on her own (and her husband gorm)
(who is a very cool bloke!)
and the girls treat me with some caution
they are immersed in fashion n texting n goss mags etc
i see in the latest swedish goss mag
that beckham is now rooting angie jolie
THEY WISH!!
the two greatest goss royal fambleys colliding...
???
nah...i dont believe it...
a thousand goss mag editors must be in paroxysms of delight
now we need obama to run off with camilla parkyer-bowels
and all hell will break loose
in aust little evie starr is throwing off the flu
but the others getting it
i fear for my wife n lil sk
I COULD NOT BEAR TO LOSE THEM!!!
i hope that they can get thru this till i get home
in just over a week
i'm not missing touring at all
in fact i am so sleep deprived
it was a relief to stop
i had been sleeping 4 or 5 hours a night
sometimes less
and a crazy fucked up brain like mine needs its respite
stockholm is a wonderful city in summer
its denizens are seemingly wealthy n healthy
and many of the men n women are statuesque n good looking
the food is shockingly expensive
i pay 20 u.s. dollars for a tomato roll (i chucked the cheese away)
and a bottle orange juice
20 dollars!!!!
how do they afford it...?
the city is quite empty (and the crystal burns)
and i hope to visit their summer house
almost all swedes have a summer house
and believe me
summer in the country or in the islands here is idyllic
if only there was no winter n summer was not so short...
but thats like life aint it?
and thats like kilbey too
always wanting the easy without the hard, isnt it?
the tour already seems an eon ago in my mind
in australia
i am doing another kev carmody gig in brisbane
a benefit in melbourne for my dear friend sam sejavka
and then the choich do some acc gigs round newcastle
(hey david.r..i bet i can getcha front row seats
if the ATO aint slung me in jail first)
then some proper shows round chrissy
...in adelaide and perth too...!
meanwhile we have" down to the cardboard" in the wings
a project marty n jorden brebach finished off
a mysterious "krautrock instr. album"
you may have heard bits n pieces slyly played before n after our gigs
marty watching me listening "steve...whats this?"
me : "i dunno ...but its fucking good, man"
marty with smirk " its "down to the cardboard"
i look forward to hearing the whole thing...
yes yes
we also have hours n hours of live footage
surely one day a new live dvd will emerge
but dont ask me when
not my department...
it may surprise you all to know
i do not call all the shots
but i dont
n i gotta shrug n say
i dunno
when asked bout this n that

ok
a few things
will the people who said they have" a christmas story" contact my gmail
there it is at the top of the page
i will give you instructions on where to send it (i'll barter something)
dont send stuff to karmic hit for me thanks

second
dont forget about the boxed set
its available at my art web site
thats just on yer right there
it contains a cd of me raving on blogg-style
against instrumental music
and 19 high quality prints from my pittsburgh exhibition
strictly strictly limited
kudos to holly who hand assembles them n who actually
put the whole thing together
kudos again to kim c-h who did the graphics
if you like my bloggs
n you wanna hear me ranting n carrying on
this is an item for you

third
no use writing nasty stuff
i'm not printing it
I'M NOT EVEN READING IT>>>SO DONT BOTHER
first bit of unconstructive bullshit and bang
i hit delete
i cant handle it
so go bother bono...eh?

as for the rest
i dont know how i feel
i go up n down
n round n round
i wonder when i'll finally grow up....if ever
thats it for today
its 12 30 at night here in sweden
no midnight sun
but lovely warm weather
a fine fine evening
i drop round n visit my old friend mark
who i only known for thirty years
hopefully catch up with martin k tomorrow or soon

ok my fiendss
from the venice of the north
(thats stockholm, you fools)
much love
sk

sverige

me n minna

arrived in sweden
u.s. airways : terrible
terrible food
terrible conditions
terrible flight

elli has pneumonia
minna n i have quorn cutlets for dinner
we walk around
so tired
i could sleep n sleep for weeks n weeks

weather is nice
stockholm is beautiful
but i am so weary now
thats it for today i guess
long blog tomorrow
love
sk

king hit

well
that fucker kilbey
known for his legendary rudeness
finally gets his comeuppance
thats ryan cst sorting me out
thats my lovely wife
thats my lovely kids
thats my lovely life
leaving the u.s. today
i love the u.s.
i love america
i love americans
there i said it
my wife n my doodles are yanks
and i love em
i love this fair country
n i appreciate its appreciation of me
things have gone wrong for the u.s.
(and me)
but we have hope
we have belief
a lotta hospitality
i would like to thank the following people
patti hood n mike
dan charleston n his groovy sons
hot toddy
belfrank
wade n moksha
ryan n tomoko
the guys at the peak radio station
the guys at kcrw
the guys at triple door in seattle
my friend marty h in pittsburgh who is so kind
jeffrey cain my dear mate n isidorian
andy le goose who put me n pete up last nite
marc geiger
lloyd n church army
brian smith who looks young beyond his years
kevin l k who is generosity IN WORD AND DEED
kevin n n z
the amazing people who have subscribed to my blogge
holly jordan who is the core of my sanity
kimbo chestney-harvey for her belief in my art
ernst kokky for being him
all the crews around the us
who were helpful cheerful n professional
matt mack haffie....you slay me n i love ya
the audiences who were always superb
davida milkes who is kind and good always
jorden brebach...i love that man so much
tim powles for his deep friendship n drumming
peter k for his devilish advocacy n guitar
marty mwp for his HARD HARD work n guitar
tiare for keeping things going n keeping mwp sane
becksy for being my favourite old woman
("get out of it kilbey..i'll do yer ironing!!")
craig wilson the human squirrel
he fell in love every five minutes
and is the nicest young bloke you could ever meet
a product of a good upbringing..a real gentlemen
adam n lee n mikey from the bolts of melody..anytime
stephen judge our rec co merch man..diamond geezer
trevor johnno johnstone
church lighting man for 23 years..our foot in reality
everyone who has been so nice n kind
will let yas know how evie is faring
i ask jesus vishnu and whoever else is out there
to preserve my fam
they are all i got
n i love em more than fame or success or money
i like to thank the readers whove responded so warmly to my tales of woe
i like to thank molly the tour dog for being cool
i like to thank the universe for giving me another chance
i like to thank john t my attorney in so cal for shaking those bastards up
to dave r my accnt in newcastle for being there for me
(last 2 guys for their FREE services)
booby lurie n his EXCELLENT book
my buddy ricky ticky tavi...david neil will live on!
anyone i forgot?
sorry
the u.s. is a fine place
i love it here
so sad to leave
please gimme reasons to come back...soon
i love everyone out there for well wishes
see you from sweden
will post pics of twills when i arrive
outta time
leave at 5 30 tonite
think of me
out there
on my own
with all my thin skinned panic
with my blurry eye
my ringing ears
my poor olde worried mind
whatta life!
whatta planet!
whatta amazing crazy joke
fiendss
keep the faith
i will be back
with my beasts
verysoon
sk nyc july 15 11 am 2009

new york new york

arrive in ny
ring nk
she says evie possibly maybe has swine flu
oh no
feel so worried
beside myself
2 people die in nsw just today
please lord vishnu
protect and preserve my family
i entreat you
sk ny
12 30

night rider

darkness falls
we drive to nyc
its 921 at night
its about 70 degrees
peter k is driving
i ate a baked potato for dinner plus cole slaw
the baked beans had ham in em....
my glasses are slightly busted
thats why theyre crooked
trucks rush by us in a whoosh
ulster service area
sunoco
starbucks
its cold in here
i should be home in the warmth of my home
should be sitting in my room
waiting for nk
should be in my studio painting
should be on by now...
we bump on
hard to type under bumpy conditions
more later

in the country

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driving to nyc
about 3 hours out
just leaving albany
where we picked up our trailer
will stop soon for food and fuel
morale ok...
grooms rd
waterford
crescent
vischer ferry

park n ride
halfmoon
exit 40 mph
town of clifton park
cobble pond farms
instant games
coors light 30 packs 20 .99
atm
soups salads subs snacks
ez pay only
ramp 35 mph
lane ends 1/4 mile
we speed on into the late afternoon
or is it early evening
tonite peter n i crashing at andy le gooses
in little italy
we cruise down the verdant beltways
more later

in the green lands of the north

back in the usa baby
yeah
blogging live from a van speeding down the road
ooh i get vertigo writing n moving
i soul oscillating
i firmament bridge
i toll collector
i fellow traveller czech
i mossy station
no mr you wanted plattsburgh
its about five miles back that way
this is the end of this tour
the last ride
the end of this story
and the beginning of all others
corridor of trees
we drive towards green hills
and blue mountains
my last day in america for a while
port kent
ausable chasm
camping exit 35
food exit 35
gas exit 35
peru exit 35
bear swamp road
south 87
adopt a highway
(maybe you should just start with a path
work yer way up to a highway)
avalon cars
mysterious little green signs with just numbers
ausable forks
lake placid
exit 34
whiteface mountain
all-america city
keeseville
exit 25 mph
road work
essex county
augur lake road (wow thATS GOOD)

augur lake road
where you never showed
well i shoulda knowed
on augur lake road
augur lake road
well i'll be blowed
my head explodes
on augur lake road

a beautiful land think with the greenest trees
pines n trees i dont know
i dont know my american trees
but theyre magnificent
yeah
sure
what do i feel?
i dunno
hysterically happy then sad that its over
on my own tomorrow
just like a big boy
no more comfort in the bosom of a little gang
on my own
my oh my own
my own my oh my
hyde road
such gorgeous country
white houses in green fields
it could be scandanavia
but the air is ominous
the sky is grey and heavy
i the stranger is leaving
i tomorrow gone
in transit
disappeared in a tin tube portal
reappear in sweden next day
meet the twillies
see the difference between 17 n 18
westport
see a cosy house nestled in some trees
why couldnt i live there
oblivious of kilbey
who drives me mad
voice in another room : ah but then you wouldnt have nk...
slower traffic keep right
suddenly guilty for past thefts
everything affects me
i am superstitious
i am cautious in all things
no u turn
blue mountains
white clouds
dense foliiage
more later
sk

on the road

flying along in a van in quebec
if this is summer bebe
i hate to see winter
so we shoot along the road
the sky is ominous
the vegetation is lush and green
buildings posts wires buses motels
restaurants sheds complexes
flags trucks trees weeds rails
clouds birds fences
and plenty o road
road forever n ever
king road
we hurtle onwards thru a pale green blur
i can sit here
and still post my blog
this wonderful awful technology
wheres captain kirk
we already surpassed you
and we dont have all them coloured lights
the fields pass by
corn in the sun
sulky little brooks
languid rivers
a big big world
crows in the cold summer sky
yes its cold
im cold
here in this van the summer is bleak n grey
i sit wrapped in a blanket
a frail old so n so
a veteran of the rocknroll wars
the signs say travaux
region touristique
oest saint-nazaire
birds of prey flap overhead
becoming sleepy
more later

leaving quebec

yeah i sit here
who who who am i...
who hoo boo kay
i go down on roof top for refreshments
i purchase a soy latte after much l'argy-bargy francais
guys get over it n speak english
they act like its the first time they ever smelt the blood
of an englishman
10 hour drive to new yorky
the van i travel/drive in today has internet
maybe i can update this blog as i go
down the road
a live travellin' blog
as i ramble ramble skip n stumble
i fall i walk tall
life makes us all crawl
sooner or later
over the gate across the wall
i see the maisons n malls
i see the mile after kilometre after inch after dust
i remember the cans and the broken bottles
the old newspapers
ive read them all
im in them all
a child in a pram looks up n sees me on a bridge
will he remember me as a shadow when i have joined the dead
i pack up my belongings this hotel womb
i born i die every day
i see my children come into this world in wonder
i'm in awe of my wife who keeps me fascinated with her
even after 11 years
my daughter scarlet is some crazy joker with liz taylors looks
shes bad to the bone
all your humble scribes nastiest naughtiest inclinations
there it is all bundled up as lil sk
to carry on my blurred crusade...against what..
against not trying to make this world a more interesting place
theres a lot going on here
hey you should visit here
we got miracles and ghosts and invisibility
we got anything you want or cant see
i'm gonna do it
do it from wealth
do it from poverty
did it when young
did it when old
did it me
did it you
my fambley is pretty good
i dont really have to go far for entertainment
my house is usually vibrant with their racquet
my kids are kind to me
i appreciate that
eve and aurora hate to disappoint me
and usually they dont
they are polite and considerate
and everybodys happy to see em
i speak on phone to them
i tell scarlet i'll be home soon
yeah dad she says like a weary voter
whos heard all the promises before
eve n aurora get on the phone to ask for small gifts
aurora wants a dvd of a christmas story an american film
you cant get it in aust apparently
eve wants some more of these little rubber things
go on the top of pencils
BELL RINGS
oh uh
time to go
more from road later

the time being : an overview of things

well
here i sit in quebec city
feeling bereft
feeling lonely
feeling quite small
we did our final gig last nite
and tim
and trevor our lighting guy
and craig wilson our keyboards player
and jorden brebach our sound guy
and craig beck our guitar tech
and stephen judge our record company n merch man
have all departed
i feel kinda like a child in my irrational loneliness
suddenly no more long drives
me n tim sitting up the front
having long musical n philosophical arguments
we kept each other awake during them long hauls
them long halls of black night
after we'd played the gig
after we'd packed up
when you had gone home n was sleeping
me n tim n all the rest in our 2 vans
were speeding down the road somewhere
in the middle of nowhere
now its over
the fellowship dissolved
i always feel sad n panicky when tours end
tho in a couple of weeks
itll seem like it never happened.....sigh
anyway last night
a packed theatre full of all ages
part of art festival
on before us
2 local softish rock acts
the second playing with bras n panties chucked at them
n now hanging off the guitars
both acts were good in their own innocuous way
i guess
i was neutral
the first act got a riotous encore
from the packed house
we hit the stage
let me say
we had a blinder
we sounded
and played like masters
there were few mistakes
the changeovers were smooth
we were delicate
we were rough
we were just right
and guess what
a crowd of about 150 people stood down the front cheering
and
the rest
inexorably
one by one by two by one
left
they didnt stay n listen
people had bought tickets to the festival
and just come in to see the others
stayed out of curiosity
but sure enough
they left
the worst thing an audience can do
is leave...
by the time we finished
there was probably 80 people left
outta that standing room only crowd
the balconies long dark n peopleless
the sea of flashing lapel lights they were wearing
now an odd red glimmer
well
i was demoralised
we had played a blinder
and they left
the average random person there
other than the "diehards" had left
hadnt we converted one person there?
didnt seem like it
we are not crowd pleasers
we gave it our best
and they left
an audience cannot do a worse thing than leave
staying n throwing stuff is almost better
but they left
left right left right
left
right?
afterwards
i try to discuss this with others
turns into a bit of a heated discussion
contained but tense
the others dont appreciate my "pessimism"
n fair enough
i say its because of my voice
and they fiercely disagree
anyway it ended in jokes n smiles
pete n marty are still here
we have a day n nite off
in quebec city
anyway
my point is this
we do not impress a random bunch of people
everyone made many excuses for the audiences disappearance
it was monday tomorrow
the local guys were quite big stars
we were too loud after the softish other bands
we didnt speak french
blah blah blah
but if it had been an act with the x factor
the crowd woulda stayed
or at least a lot lot more
than were there at the end
i feel dejected over this rejection
i thought maybe by now
we wood be good
enough
to appeal to any bunch of western adults
but in quebec
they just didnt want it
they didnt get it
they just shrugged
n exited quietly
as they split
i became less n less animated
until by the end
i could hardly even bear to look up
i kept my eyes closed
and i stared at my bass
we still played great though
jorden had pulled a great sound
but i was sad to see our marginal utility
at such a low ebb...
the tour itself fills me with mixed emotions
the long drives were dangerous
i am sleep deprived n cant seem to make it up
i look haggard n old its true
but remember
i am old
i am fully my nearly 55 years
i see myself aging daily
the tour has left my nerves frazzled
i feel sad in a bad way
we played really bloody well
seattle
denver
detroit
new york
albany
foxboro
they were real good ones
the actual crowd numbers were slightly down in most places
nowhere did we make any real gains
we had 2 to 3 hundred most nights
of course
i am thankful for every single one of those people
but
if things continue to dwindle
one must concede that eventually
perhaps
it will not be possible to tour anywhere
anymore
unless ticket prices go up n up
as crowds slowly get smaller n smaller
until 50 people
will be paying 100 bucks each
to see us play
in some empty place
remedies? :
festivals to get exposure to bigger crowds ...
but last night shows
we are an acquired taste
we dont slay anyone who isnt willing to be slain
we are hypnotists that can only hypnotise
15 per cent of the people...
opening up for a big act the same deal
we tend not to pinch others crowds
its a historical fact
so i dont know...
i didnt make as much merch money as i had foolishly hoped
tho no one let me down
and the buyers were generous
we sold out early of certain items of mine
which would have generated me more income
had i had any acumen
but we ran out of stuff early on
and i missed opportunities
due to stupidity n bad timing
i fear i wont be returning home with too much of a swag
all of the figures wont be in for a while
but its not gonna be as good as i hoped or needed
i wont be rolling up in sweden cashed up
n able to do all the things i hoped with the twillies
you know, spoil em a little
because theyve had precious little of that from me
next i got the bad news last nite
(hadda take a xanny to getto sleep)
from my wonderful accountant dave
who does it for me gratis
that the tax office in aust
aint accepting my repayment scedule i have proposed
to pay em back at 1000 a month for 4 years
lord knows where i was gonna pull that 250 a week from
but i was gonna try
they say its not quick enough
hey i can see their point
but it would be impossible to pay anymore
when every thing in my financial world seems to contract
i dont know what they can do
the fact is i own nothing
ive blown it all in so many ways
its my fault
i am not asking for sympathy or advice
i am talking to you
because its too late to call australia now
and because it helps me to get this off my chest
if youre feeling sorry for me ..dont!
i really did cause this mess
it started long ago
i lost everything eventually
either thru heroin n then thru the crash after sept 11
i dont know what taxman will take
all i have is my four guitars
nothing else
a bit of furniture well used by children
no stocks no bonds no property
as a songwriter im one of the best
as a fiscally responsible person i am useless tho'
i have never defaulted on my taxes before
and i have always claimed honestly
i have never cheated em of dough
i have no credit card n no credit card debt
anyway
i fear being made "bankrupt"
tho i dont really know what that means exactly
i cant travel overseas? (great...thatll help em get the dough back)
a thing in the sydney morning herald classifieds
saying
steven j kilbee is now bankrupt
avoid his broke ass like the plague
anyhow
they literally cant get blood from a stone
so it'll at least be "interesting" to see how this plays out
i hope i am not forced to leave sydney
the fear of this plagues me
it would destroy me a little
i hope the taxman can be reasonable
a strange place that i stand in
typical steve kilbey
he created all this
he destroyed all this
ever my blessing
ever my curse
ok now im looking for a miracle
im looking for a big art prize
or a role in a film
or get a song in a movie
or i dont know what the fuck!
i feeling low
i am not printing nasty comments for a while
nor reading them even
so dont waste your time
with the "suck it ups"
i feel my very existence
and that of my fam is under threat
and i feel bad for them
because i mismanaged things
we had those two good years cos utmw
was on all those tv shows
i got the money
i neglected to put any aside for tax
and i/we splurged
after a few very lean years
it was stupid but natural
if i could play every night somewhere
i would
i would play or act or paint or read or talk
or whatever people wanted me to do
if i could
every nite of the week
but the demand does not exist
hardly any one knows or cares
how much i have improved
too little too late
the english press that powerful thing
for whatever reason
ignore us
the great reviews in aust n in the u.s.
have not really had much effect
but it #23 could be a slow long burner
god knows it does take a few spins to get into it
but when you do
who else can do that kinda thing?
a handfull of others on this whole planet
we are criminally underrated
we are criminally neglected
we blew it a long time ago
n we never recovered
i believe the future for the church is not necessarily all dark
our wonderful patron klk
has agreed to fund our next record
with generous funding to make it possible
thats a true bright light at the end of some tunnel
once again n not for the last time
i/we salute his generosity
all he gets out of it is satisfaction (sometimes but this time)
we are playing better than ever
we are fierce and hard n hungry n all the rest
yet still
they gradually left last night
we are not accessible to the hoi polloi
ok
tomorrow we drive to ny
next day week in sweden
thanks for hanging in there fiends
this has been a very honest report
i hope you can grok it
i hope it gives you some insight into my life
i hope it wasnt too much information
i tell it like it is
this is my journal
i am the time being

can a blue man sing the whites...?

the blues fest was not our best gig
due to rain
technical issues
human error
etc etc
we had a mediocre gig
nevermind
today we drove five hours at 7 am to get here
quebec city
part of a arts festival
lets see what happens then
sk

eggsactly

pic 1 : mr fruity (for eve n aurora)
pic 2 me at ottawa blues fest

last nite
we played our last gig in the states
at the egg in albany
(the capital of n.y. state)
the egg was part of a huge ..err...egg
which perched over the amazingly opulent empire state plaza
the egg had a lovely small theatre
the catering was wonderful
braised tempeh n mushrooms
chocolate soy milk
etc etc
good friends wadey n moksha from hu dost
and their tour dog molly (a dog even i liked!!)
matt mac haffie who once tour managed jack frosts one n only
tour of the u.s.
so good to see em
people in albany were a wonderful n attentive audience
and we acquitted ourselves well
i had a good energetic night
but not too sloppy
the crowd really seemed to love us
and the feeling was very warm n fuzzy
before show i meet giovanna who has just had her thyroid out
and had just had some other extremely bad medical news
she tells me how the church get her thru her hard life
she cries n weeps with emotion
i must admit i get a little misty myself
during the show
she punctuated proceedings with
"i love you steve !"
which is not the worst thing to hear i guess
i truly hope this brave n lovely lady prevails over her maladies
after show i meet chrispy
who was there the nite i met my lovely wife
in philly 11 years ago
she asked him for advice getting backstage
and i'm glad she came back
it was love pretty much at first sight
n eve n aurora n scarlet kilbey
were waiting in the wings to be manifest
they just needed me n nk to get together (of course)...
after gig
i drive long drive to some tiny little town
upstate new york
arrive at 430 in morning
where the hotel rooms were less than glamourous
got 2 hours sleep
i wake up at 7 and notice they have a pool
so i do my swimmies
I HAVE TO SIGN RELEASE FORM
SAYING IF I DROWN OR CATCH DISEASES FROM WATER
I WILL NOT SUE THE MOTEL....!!
i am incredulous
has it got to that?
we drive into ottawa
where its rainy steamy
the fields are full of mud
i hate festivals
i hate being at em
i hate playing em
we are on a smallish stage at 7 30 tonite
its very sweaty weather
and all kindsa (mostly 'orrible) music fills the air
i also hate the fucking blues and whatever else theyre playing here
will be glad when we drive off
leaving the incessant racket and porta loos behind
i am truly over it
tomorrow another very early morning
when we drive 5 hours to quebec city
everyone is tired n testy
arguments waiting to erupt
i keep a low profile
i do my best
i miss my fambley
next week i fly off to sweden to visit twillies (now 18!)
should make for some interesting bloggies
i guess
ok thats it from the frontline
oh
hi to nigel bell too
(wheres my big loan?)

sk
ontario 2009

for your own safety the windows do not open

(me n cst coach ryan m
discussing the best way to wring an idiots neck)


its hard being me
its hard being a human
its hard being a creature on this planet
theres always more twists n turns ahead
accidents to avoid
crises to avert
revolutions to crush
suffering the slings n arrows
the gig in connecticut was slightly derailed
by a guy who wanted to stand up the front
in the theatre
dangling his hands on the stage
touching the cables etc
the theatre didnt want it
for whatever reason
and asks him not to
but he wants to
eventually i get kinda embroiled in it
i dont know what to do
i dont care
im neutral
but the guy is calling out
n carrying on
nothing major
just a niggling useless problem
by this stage
its all about the guy
his rights etc
he doesnt care the gig is going down the tube
maybe he cant see it
then he starts calling out to mwp
getting him involved
just losing all our momentum
the guy loved the church
but in the end
it ended up damaging us
this is what i mean
as a human being
you push one way
you get the opposite result
you protect freedom...you get a police state
you tolerate anything...you lose yer freedom
you try n help but you often hinder
you try to be consoling
people say dont condescend
try not to get involved you become aloof
try to get involved and youre in someones face
this isnt just for me
its for everyone
some kinda design error makes everything hard
until you finally get
windows that dont open
because someone jumped outta window once
so
now no go in most american hotels
THE WINDOWS WONT OPEN
FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!!
how about
for your own safety this gun doesnt shoot
for your own safety the war has been cancelled
for your own safety the bad food is unavailable
ha ha
yeah
so i tried hard after the annoying man finally buggered off
but somehow my attention was diverted
i was thinking about a load of stuff
instead of being in the zone
where i shoulda been all along
because thats when you get a good show
still
no one wanted it to happen
but it did
just like iraq n vietnam n ww1 n 2
and all the other stuff
from tiny to huge
that just keeps going wrong here
for us hu-man beings
we did recover towards the end
and ended up having an ok gig
but
just one of those things
like stubbing your toe
or catching a cold
or killing yourself to live
or the beatings will continue until morale improves
let me say this
i do my best usually
i listen to what you say
a lot to juggle
imagine being a president or general or pilot or captain
everyday i hear n see contrary things
i get confused
i make bad calls
i make poor decisions
i ignore the wrong people
i listen to the wrong people
ah
sometimes the futility of it all
i dunno

tonite its albany
last u.s. gig
we re here now
its a weird kinda theatre
in a govt building
who knows how its gonna go...?
see ya
sk upstate new york
empire plaza
albany

many entertainment choices

pic 2
me and jorden brebach
the "5th" member of the church
connecticut 2009
pic 1 : and me on the phone home at 4 in the morning
tarrytown

yeah
we did wellish in new york
i drink too much absinthe
thanks gi family in buffalo
a kind gift of absinthe n sox
have dinner next door to gig
seitan enchilada ...nice
we rock hard
i run n jump n sweat up a storm
most unbecoming i guess
i boogie n choogle and groove n bop
i manage to play n sing (a little bit)
meet all the new yorkers
andy le goose
hot toddy
the agency guys
the freeloaders the fans the well wishers the liggers
after gig drive outta ny to tarrytown
stay in a lovely doubletree hotel
with...gosh...a door that opens
onto a grassy courtyard
with trees n everything
but cant enjoy
cant hang around
cant get to sleep
go to radio station THE PEAK
do a 3 man show with mwp n pk
tim stayed on in ny livin' it up
(ha!)
the people at station very very nice
we play to a small audience of about 15
who are the advisory board of station
they all seem to dig it
we drive afterwards up to connecticut
ridgefield theatre
as soon as i arrive
everyone says
DONT SMOKE DOPE HERE THE COPS ARE ACROSS THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!
yeah
on the eve of decriminalisation of pot
the cops here are trying to bust some old hippy
for smokin' mother nature
go figure
i'm over it
anyway got no dope so no problem
i'll stick to a healthy high like booze tonite then
(spare me the fucking sermons!)
i feel disturbed
i feel so tired n restless
i feel old and stupid
i feel like starting again
as a little baby on another planet
sick of olde kilbey n his tricks n dips
blah blah blah blah blah blah
whatever whatever whatever
cry moan sigh yawn
goodbye n y c
see ya sometime soon (i hope)
be have your self
thats it
ever get the feeling you been cheated???
all the time

keep rapping how the big apple is outta site....you aint never had a bite

yeah new york
wow
oh boy
gee
thats me n belfrank in the pic
in a genuine backstage pic taken in nyc
new new nnn new york city now
up to lexington 1 2 5
yeah the village man
yeah down in washington square hoo boy
the neon lights are bright on broadway
they say
downtown
uptown
midtown
whatever
visit my old prison cell
try on my old handcuffs...sentimental devil i am
i climb up empire state building
i do speed with loo read
i do some painting with andy war-hole
i hang out with jackson bollock
i shoot morph-een with billy burrows
i have breakfast at tiffanys (diamonds on toast)
i get a cab up to harlem and clean the train station
i get lost in some west side storey
i am subsumed in the steam
i am eaten up by the crowds on 83rd street
new york
much better than old york
much better than tom york
much better than york iller, arent you?
yeah
im so fucking hip
im so cool
im so where its all happening
the very epicentre of everything
i'm here and youre not
aint that too bad
rock n roll aminal
forget that i'm 54 cos i just got paid
subscribe or shut up
and to that nasty little sourpuss haunting my bloggs
YEAH I GOT A BIG N UGLY NOSE
EVERYONE HAS SAID SO MY WHOLE LIFE
NOW LETS HAVE A SHOT OF YOUR SCHNOZZLE...MR PRETTY
ooh sorry bout that.....
ah where was i....
i sit here with belfrank
we listen to new gb3
gee its good aint it?
yep
would i foist any second rate palaver onya?
would i what??!!
tonite
i will be redeemed
new york will love my
intelligence
my sophistication
my hot ancient boddy
my silver beard
my velvet voice
my hip references
and my great big hooked n ugly nose!
anyway
nnnnnnnew york city now
oh wow
how cool am i????

olaffub

yeah
i write
i type
i'm that type
i remember streams of notes and words
i'm fluent in bass guitar
moor than you can dream of it
my busy fat little fingers
im waiting for you backstage
im a carpet
im a fridge full of exotic beers
im a ashtray
im a gig
im a venue
im a parking lot
im the headliner n the support
i sing the body corporate
i sing the songs that make the whole world cry
i sing like a beast and i bellow like a ram
i kilbey
no one else
could
would
wanna be
i kilbey
in the blackened room
with the loud noises
with all the gizmos n gadgets
to bring my fucking songs to life
my song of song of songs
i need drums i need strings
i need reeds
i need some air
here i am in the gig
here i am outside the gig
here i am drivin' away from the gig
here i am forgettin' the gig
here i am then
kilbey kilbey kilbey
you cant get enuff of me until then...
you suddenly have a little overdose
whoops
kilbey overdose coming thru
too much of a good thing
its too rich
im too sweet
im tout suite too
no one on the street
the drums go thump thump thump
the stuff all gets moved around
someone does the vacuuming
someone buys a ticket at the box office
outside the trees sway in the breeze
who gives a freaking frigg about any of this
the made up world
the strings of words
the fawning ninnies
the angry bouncers
the bored barmaids on their mobiles
the luggers n loaders
the crew
the others
me
my brain
my fingers
my throat
what do i have that anyone wants to see
some mad old half aussie hippy
who smoked a joint n got hooked on strawberry fields
forever n forever n forever
still in buffalo
i meet kristinas sister
it was 100 years ago i spent the winter here
yes thats right
one hundred years ago in some long winter
man she sure had some wherewithal
she had the knowledge thats wonderful
maybe she became nk in some mad mixup
where my songs collided with my lifey life
and until i didnt know what was going on
and
i imagine scarlet kilbey will shake this world around
i imagine eve n aurora dispensing love n mercy
n elli n minna on top of some heap
oh my eyes ache
my uneven steven eyes
im 54...can you really dig that number
because i cant
by my calculations i should be older nuff to know better
adam franklin is a nice cat
so is lee n mikey
i love listening to em each night
you should check em out
still in buffalo
i wander round the olde neighbourhood from that song
its hard to tell without the snow
maybe i'm just a ghost now too
a hundred years is a long time until its gone
i fall asleep in some hundred year old starbucks
in a comfy armchair sucking a soy hot chocky
i start to dream of my little bedroom in bondi
i sit in my chair waiting for my wife to come to bed
the house is so quiet
the children all asleep n tangled
my wife so slim n pretty
my wife so young n playful
my wife all blonde and tipsy
i reach out for her white white skin when...
steve
steve
hey kilbey....!
ive dropped off at the wheel
weve crashed into the charts at 1660
weve driven thru a field of magnetic poppies
grant is with me
steven.....he says astonished
i was having the strangest dream
i look around all my pals in the van
kraal-man
ricki ticki tavi
markus
the ice berg guys
the little lord of course
simon polinski at the controls
hes adding more reverb to something
a load of middle aged guys swamp me
hey steve i saw you in 1853 at that valley forge gig
hey steve i saw you on the mayflower
hey steve i saw you at the court of william of orange
the music all plays backwards
it all sucks into itself
ziggy sucked off into his brain
i remember to remember that much
and i check into some room
outside is some dead city
people speaking a freaking dead language
tonite the church dead in necropolis
says the poster
the dark streets full of fear
i dont wanna play
but someone pushes me out the fuck on stage
my dad says
slim how do you know what to do?
i turn to my dad
dad please be big and warm n smelling of cigs n old spice
a sign says
no readmittance
a sign says
staff only
a sign says
please wash out your mouth before singing
aunty lou says hah! he's no singer.....not him...
someone unlocks a door and the crowd trickle in
a plague of middle aged men
i drown in their tertiary degrees
they throw their credit cards at me
but i have no swipe
they call out in the fog
all of us lost
all of us had the best deckchairs on that titanic
i had a cabin with a lovely view of some desolated parking lot
its canada on a saturday night
someone buys drugs on de yonge street
someone faraway milks his cow outside saskatoon
someone on the prairie listens to priest equals aura
much further south
the falls keep falling
the boys limber up for their soundcheck
jorden brebach plays snippets of down to the cardboard
over the p.a.
no strings attached
no certainty either
clint eastward
crowdy rowdy head yates
bang bang
someone shot thru
it was me
not you



i